If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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