you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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