Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
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Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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