she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
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Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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