remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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