I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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