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porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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