Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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