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hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
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