I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize