I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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