he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize