I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
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And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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