There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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