I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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