I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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