I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize