she looked like the bat from fern gully.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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