it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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