Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize