trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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