Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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me + whiskey = a bad person
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am available for nakedness
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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