I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
dude. I can hear the air.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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