the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How naked do you want me to be?
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