I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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