Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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