i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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