...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize