went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize