I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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