My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize