I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
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You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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