the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize