Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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