Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize