did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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