Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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