he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize