I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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