you have to choose: penises or morals?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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