You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize