I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
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I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
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I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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