I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i think i just lost a toe
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize