brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize