I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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