john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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