Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize