It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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