I think i peed on brittanys purse
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize