Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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