I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize